Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
