Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
