time to smoke my breakfast
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
