Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
