I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
