Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover

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(805): i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover http://tfl.nu/9f4v

Replies (12) Good night (4676) Bad night (643)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

(808): View more from Hawaii

worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

nevermind....I'm on the way

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(814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu

Replies (70) Good night (10539) Bad night (1188)
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(319): View more from Iowa

just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...

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(319): just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa... http://tfl.nu/k3oe

Replies (29) Good night (5490) Bad night (1087)
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(607): View more from New York

im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.

(607): View more from New York

way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses

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(607): im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour. (607): way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses http://tfl.nu/5by3

Replies (10) Good night (4793) Bad night (1345)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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(410): I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming. http://tfl.nu/sdt5

Replies (4) Good night (2331) Bad night (910)
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(315): View more from New York

as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training

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(315): as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training http://tfl.nu/gwbi

Replies (5) Good night (1697) Bad night (745)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill

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(313): Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill http://tfl.nu/vbjy

Replies (8) Good night (2780) Bad night (1157)
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(936): View more from Texas

You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.

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(936): You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me. http://tfl.nu/du0t

Replies (13) Good night (3967) Bad night (925)
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(631): View more from New York

he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

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(631): he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan http://tfl.nu/sol0

Replies (19) Good night (2019) Bad night (952)
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(563): View more from Iowa

i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.

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(563): i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look. http://tfl.nu/aj1z

Replies (9) Good night (788) Bad night (1043)
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(360): View more from Washington

He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.

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(360): He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning. http://tfl.nu/j239

Replies (0) Good night (708) Bad night (1125)
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(989): View more from Michigan

These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.

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(989): These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila. http://tfl.nu/gkow

Replies (6) Good night (932) Bad night (535)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass

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(541): Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass http://tfl.nu/kkwh

Replies (1) Good night (1143) Bad night (329)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.

(618): View more from Illinois

dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.

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(270): i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast. (618): dude, she han solo'd you. keep her. http://tfl.nu/viok

Replies (2) Good night (1687) Bad night (462)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."

(404): View more from Georgia

That's how I look going for the pbr.

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(404): I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there." (404): That's how I look going for the pbr. http://tfl.nu/2uqj

Replies (11) Good night (966) Bad night (348)

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