Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter

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  (845): don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter http://tfl.nu/0xc6
  Replies (15) Good night (3622) Bad night (610)
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  (707): View more from California

  last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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  (707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll. http://tfl.nu/u5mu
  Replies (34) Good night (5202) Bad night (814)
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  (585): View more from New York

  i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"

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  (585): i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!" http://tfl.nu/obrk
  Replies (30) Good night (1305) Bad night (4355)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

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  (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9
  Replies (33) Good night (8325) Bad night (791)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.

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  (713): I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source. http://tfl.nu/tbks
  Replies (98) Good night (2845) Bad night (7149)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and who said we didn't have goals?

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  (219): my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus (317): and who said we didn't have goals? http://tfl.nu/piod
  Replies (12) Good night (4010) Bad night (925)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

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  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9775) Bad night (1014)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Sucks about the cops last night

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..

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  (609): Sucks about the cops last night (848): to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party.. http://tfl.nu/rv14
  Replies (7) Good night (4660) Bad night (1038)
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  (914): View more from New York

  hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early

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  (914): hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early http://tfl.nu/k8sh
  Replies (9) Good night (2976) Bad night (1077)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.

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  (513): I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud. http://tfl.nu/lhri
  Replies (10) Good night (1301) Bad night (1675)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up 

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  (865): I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up  http://tfl.nu/ojbn
  Replies (3) Good night (805) Bad night (453)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.

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  (301): He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship. http://tfl.nu/zlr0
  Replies (7) Good night (915) Bad night (375)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.

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  (503): Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home. http://tfl.nu/577r
  Replies (2) Good night (425) Bad night (756)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.

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  (919): I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water. http://tfl.nu/3pkl
  Replies (1) Good night (760) Bad night (344)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts

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  (203): I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts http://tfl.nu/mdva
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (290)

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