took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.