Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems