I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on