Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?