i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.