I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
