Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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