3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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