I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
