I wish I only lived at night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
