I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
