Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
