Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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