I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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