Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
