If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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