The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
