I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
