My hand turned me down
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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