I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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