I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
