Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
