watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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