mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
