so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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