he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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