You're completely useless in the revolution.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
