some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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