I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
