Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
