With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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