she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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