My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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