I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
