mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
are you so shy because you have an std?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
