so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
