I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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