if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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