I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
