But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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