Too much gin, very little bucket
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
