The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
