Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
