Fuck appropriateness.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
