eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
