Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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