i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
