no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it was like eating out sand paper
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
