Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
