if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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