i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
