The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
