Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
