mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
