Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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