I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
