hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
