i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
